New research on parental stress, emotional regulation, and the invisible demands of family life offers important insights into how we can better support children's mental health. Most parents recognize those occasions when family life seems to become more difficult than it should be. A child who ordinarily manages the morning routine becomes increasingly resistant to getting ready for school. A parent who is usually patient finds themselves becoming frustrated over seemingly

The Complex Landscape of Parenting There has always been something slightly uncomfortable about how we discuss parenting when a child is struggling. When a young child becomes anxious, aggressive, withdrawn, oppositional, unusually demanding, or difficult to manage, attention often shifts quickly to what the parents should be doing differently. Maybe the parents need to be more consistent. Perhaps they need to set firmer limits or use consequences more effectively. Sometimes

When it comes to guiding children through their emotional ups and downs, it often feels like navigating a winding river. Sometimes the current is calm, and other times it’s a rapid that tests your every skill. I’ve learned that managing child behaviour positively is less about control and more about connection. It’s about understanding the why behind the actions and gently steering towards better choices. So, how do we do this effectively? Let’s explore some positive child be

When parents seek support for concerns about their child's emotional wellbeing, the conversation often begins with the issue that feels most immediate. Perhaps a child is struggling with anxiety, having difficulty regulating emotions, withdrawing socially, or experiencing challenges at school. Understandably, attention is often directed toward the child and the symptoms that have become most visible. Yet one of the most consistent findings in developmental psychology suggests

If you’ve ever found yourself locked in a battle of wills with your teenager, you’ll probably recognize this pattern right away. Things escalate quickly, the same arguments repeat, and before you know it, you’re reacting in ways that don’t feel like your best self. Then comes the frustration—“Why does this keep happening?”—and often, quietly underneath that, a bit of self-doubt. I was reading a recent piece in The Globe and Mail that captured this dynamic in a way that I thin

By Dr. Bob Carey Recently I came across a study by Roby, O’Connell, Griffin and their colleagues (Roby, E., O’Connell, L.K., Griffin, M.G. et al. Promoting early relational health and resilience in pediatric primary care: a qualitative study. Pediatr Res (2026) on promoting early relational health in pediatric primary care. What struck me most was how closely the findings align with what many of us working in behaviour and developmental psychology have been saying for years.

by Dr. Bob Carey In recent years, parenting coaching has emerged as a powerful alternative to traditional advice-driven or compliance-based models of child-rearing. I recently read an excellent article in the Journal of Health Service Psychology (2025, Vol 51, Issue 3), by Dr. Antonio F. Pagan entitled “Discipline, Love and Authenticity: A Psychologist’s Guide to Coaching Parents”. This article on parenting coaching offers a timely and evidence-informed overview of how coa

As parents, we've all been there: a sudden meltdown in the grocery store, a defiant "NO!" that echoes through the house, or a sibling squabble that escalates from playful to painful in seconds. In these moments, it's easy to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or even to label our child as "naughty" or "stubborn." But what if we told you there's a different way to look at these challenging behaviors? What if, instead of defiance, you saw a brain system in overdrive, a little "secur

Parents often ask me a simple question:“Why does my child fall apart the moment things don’t go as planned?” The truth is not simple, but the solution can be. Children thrive when life feels predictable. When the rules shift, routines wobble, or adults respond differently from one moment to the next, anxiety jumps and behaviour follows. In the Positive Systems Approach (PSA), consistency is more than a parenting technique. It’s the engine that makes every other strategy work.

Ethan’s behavior was causing significant concerns at home and daycare. When told “no” or asked to wait, he would scream, bite himself, or collapse on the floor in frustration. In social situations like soccer practice, he often hid behind his father’s leg, crying uncontrollably. At home, simple requests like “time to clean up” could spiral into chaos. Sarah described it perfectly: “We felt like nothing worked — we tried being supportive as well as timeouts, threats, even rea

Parenting a child whose behaviour disrupts daily life can feel like an unending cycle of exhaustion, guilt, and second-guessing. Yet, as Dr. Bob Carey illustrates in What if it’s Not Just the Behaviour?, the Positive Systems Approach (PSA) transforms these struggles into opportunities for connection and growth. PSA integrates the precision of Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) with the holistic lens of systems theory and the heart of compassionate care. It views behaviour as co

Children thrive on predictability. For many parents, that statement sounds simple enough—but when you live with a child whose emotions or behaviours can change in an instant, the word routine can feel more like wishful thinking than reality. In What if it’s Not Just the Behaviour, Dr. Bob Carey’s Positive Systems Approach (PSA) reframes these moments not as battles of willpower, but as signals from the child’s internal system. Often, meltdowns and outbursts are not “bad behav

Parenting advice is everywhere. Books, blogs, Instagram posts, well-meaning friends — all offer strategies and styles. As parents try this, that, or the other thing, many still feel stuck, frustrated, or unsure: “What truly works long-term? What aligns with my values? What helps my child and me stay sane?” That’s the promise of the Positive Systems Approach (PSA): a coherent, evidence-informed, compassion-based framework that doesn’t just tweak behaviour, but transforms relat

Parenting is a journey full of love, trial, and constant adjustment. When a child begins to show disruptive or challenging behaviour, many parents instinctively look for quick fixes to stop the behaviour. But real change rarely comes from focusing on the child alone. It often requires looking at the entire family system. This is where the Positive Systems Approach (PSA) offers something different. Instead of asking “How do I fix my child?” PSA encourages families to ask, “Wha

Dr. Bob Carey Parenting is full of moments that test us. You tell your child it’s time for dinner, and they throw themselves on the floor screaming. You ask them to put on their shoes, and suddenly you’re in the middle of a shouting match that rivals a courtroom drama. Or maybe your child lashes out physically—hitting, biting, or throwing—when things don’t go their way. It’s easy in those moments to think: Why is my child being so difficult? Why can’t they just listen? But he

Parenting can sometimes feel like a tug-of-war. You’re asking, pleading, reminding — and your child seems determined to do the opposite. At that point, many of us resort to the tools we know best: time-outs, yelling, removing privileges, or grounding. The logic seems sound — if misbehaviour has consequences, it should stop. But here’s the frustrating reality: punishment may silence a behaviour in the moment, but it rarely changes it for good. More often than not, it sets up a

Meta Description:Discover why focusing only on your child’s behaviour rarely works—and how systems thinking in parenting can create lasting change. Learn practical steps to fix the system, not just the symptoms. Target Keywords:systems thinking in parenting, behaviour change in children, parenting systems approach, positive systems approach, fix child behaviour Introduction: When a child’s behaviour becomes challenging—whether it’s meltdowns, defiance, or constant arguments—o

Introduction: More Than Just Acting Out If your child is lashing out, withdrawing, or constantly challenging you, it can feel frustrating, even overwhelming. But here’s something most parents aren’t told: sometimes what looks like bad behaviour is actually a sign that your child is hurting. And one of the most common, silent causes? Bullying. This guide will walk you through how bullying can affect your child emotionally and show up as disruptive behaviour, and how the Positi

When a child’s behavior becomes disruptive—meltdowns, defiance, aggression—it creates stress for everyone involved. This stress disrupts the rhythm of the entire household. However, most parenting books miss a crucial point: behavior is rarely just “bad behavior.” It’s a message. Unless we understand what that message is, we will continue to react instead of respond. At the heart of the Positive Systems Approach (PSA) is a key insight: behavior occurs within a system. To help

By Dr. Bob Carey If you're reading this, chances are you're a parent who's been pushed to the edge more times than you'd like to admit. Maybe your child’s tantrums come out of nowhere. Maybe the yelling, the defiance, the endless power struggles feel like a daily routine. Or maybe you're just tired—tired of repeating yourself, tired of being blamed, and tired of not having real answers. You’re not alone. The truth is, parenting is hard. And parenting a child with disruptive b